Where do you start. A night of Drama, Music, Humour,Poetry, Storytelling, Singing and adlibs. If we aren't promoting local talent in many aspects of the arts ....Well I'll eat a Witches hat!

To all who took part... Monique and David with scenes of the forthcoming play 'Gaslight', on in the Studio Theatre in Market Place 9th-11th Nov. A full house in Abbey Lane were enthused by their wonderful acting followed by Liam Mohan (Zac Brownband), Dymphna (sketch) ,Malachi (Spike Milligan poem), Daniel Corrigan (orginal guitar piece) ,Bridie (poetry),Pat Prunty and Eoin Kelly (trad), Michael Callaghan (song) Ann Gilmartin (storytelling)Thomas Healy (orginal poetry)Paddy Mohan (songs) Malachi (orginal story) Kathleen Duffy (singing Spinning Wheel), Melonie Banting (orginal poetry)William Andrews (Bluegrass banjo) accompanied by Daniel on guitar and Eoin on Mandolin . Thomas (Ed Sheeran song), Pat Prunty (Humour ballad), Madeleine Kelly (bandage joke)...A BIG BIG THANK YOU.

Winner of the 'Limerick Laughs' competition....1st DYMPHNA FERRAN, DUNGANNON... 2nd Bridie Heaney.... 3rd Monique Rennie. Thanks all for partaking.

1 )I want to run free                   4)I want a warm home

    I want to live on                       A family to treasure.

    Like the wind and the rain         My wife not denied

   Like pleasure and pain               My girls by my side 

   Like birdsong                           Such a wealth can't be measured-

  I want to live on.                      A family to treasure

2) I want to feel life,              5) I want back my childhood

   Like roots in the soil               My growth to a man

  Or the bugs and the worms     My strength and my wildness

  That wriggle and squirm         My humour and mildness

  And live just to toil-               My days by the Bann

Like roots in the soil                My growth to a man

3) I want to know love        6)I want to go hunting

   A passion within                To walk till I drop

  That must be obeyed         And savour the taste

  That cannot be swayed       With never a waste

  But can block out the din-    The chase never stops-

A passion within.                  To walk till I drop

7)I want to feel earth

I want to plant seeds

And then I could know

What will blossom and grow

To outshine the weeds-

I want to plant seeds.

 I want to run free. But then -that's always been me...

Penned by famous Tyrone poet and humourist Dymphna Ferran:

1)

There was a young teacher from Grange;  Who in the classroom acted so strange.

He made the pupils all stand, with their heads in their hands

While he riffled their pockets for change.

and value for money Dymphna had another up her jumper!

2)

There was a vegetarian called Joe; Who went out to the garden to hoe.

He tripped on a carrot, Now he's sick as a parrot,

And the hoe,  it when right up his .............nose.

Dymphna said she really enjoyed her bottle for wine first  prize. Well done Dymp's

Reemeber June's Limerick Laughs subject is Politicians!!

Carrots and Peppers and Cabbage; Are things a Veggie savage;

All day and all night; The Roughage = S... (A healthy glow);

And breakfast is a bowl of porridge!

There once was a man called Reggie; Who converted from Carnivore to Veggie;

He stuck it a year; But  went on the beer;

Now he's Reggie the Poggie Veggie.

I remember my first day at school; The teachers kept order with a rule;

The Boys were so rough; And the girls just as tough

 I ran home and was put on a stool.

The one thing about being a teacher; is they all have a common feature;

Of superior knowledge; after years of college;

To instruct their 'Horrible wee creatures'

Teachers are people that matter; They deserve to be praised high and flattered;

But they often find out; They get called ''git'' and ''lout''

And SO pupils are people they batter!

There was a young teacher, a local; Whose views about meat were quite vocal;

She'd holler and rant; '' You can't , you just can't''

But she secretly scoffed down road kill.!

Bridie Heaney, 'The lapsed Vegetarian' ( The only Limerick with its own title....pretentious)

A lady called Ash from Armagh

From her kitchen heard such a sweet baa

She said " what the heck, I'll just ring its neck,

And make a nice dinner for me Da''

Josh Trotter (in an 'up the country' accent)   

There was a wee woman from Moy

Who with money was rather coy

Her purse had a lock

But a much bigger shock

Was she hid the key in Dunloy!

MK (copy right)

Dymphna Ferran,

There was a wee woman from Armagh

Who forgot to fasten her bra

Her boobs fell out

And were ate by a trout????

And now our Ma's me Da.

MORE TO FOLLOW BY POPULAR DEMAND.

April's OMN on 28th  will have a new feature section 'LIMERICK LAUGHS', written and performed by YOU the audience. Each month will have a new subject for these witty 5 liner poems and to start you of this month the  first line begins ''There was a wee woman/man from (town name)''.  To get you into the spirit we will have wonderful prizes which the winner will proudly cherish. Suggested weekends away, new car models, writing equipment,  publishing  offers, your name under lights, etc etc. The winner will be selected by AUDIENCE VOTE and their decision will be final. This competition is open to all ages, sexes ,religions and colours (so you have no excuse)! Presented as a Quick Fire round from your seat, wit and humour essential. No animals will be harmed in the 'LIMERICK LAUGHs' feature.

APRIL'S OMG THIS FRIDAY 28TH STARTS 8.30PM TILL LATE.

Featured poem, OMN  March 2017     Itch.

This palm itch, that no amount of scratching will subdue. Is it a sign of something you have forgotten; neglecting; subconsciously blocking?

Yet here it is. Beating a subconscious into submission. Its dominance greatest while in deep slumber.

Disturbing idyllic dream channels with a repeating news flash.....Scratch, scratch, scratch.

Wide awake now, its job done. Distracted by this physical metaphor, I contemplate its meaning and come up with none.

Cept an itchy hand means money!

Malachi Kelly 2016

With Armagh Men Shed's Choir kicking off our Open Mic for March with some wonderful renditions of old favourites we were assured of a great night's entertainment. The packed audience sang along from the start and on the last notes of 'Built on seven Hills' gave a well deserved applause. Big thank you to all the Choir and Eoin Kelly who accompanied on guitar. Contributions this month were from, Dymphna Ferran (poetic yarn), Paddy Mohan (guitar/songs), Jimmy Rafferty(Bard of Armagh), Gerry Woods (song) , Malachi (original poetry), JoeMcCool (poetry and Happy B;day) Margaerite Kelly(song) Bridie Heaney (original poetry ) Liz (Country songs) Jimmy Rafferty (by popular demand) , Ellen McGrath (traditional ballads) and the night ended with Dymphna (and her hot hot lover!) Many thanks to all, our next date is April 28th. Spread the word!

With many wonderful stories and poetry gaining an outlet through our Open Mic Night's we would like to share some of these with you.

'Cycle of Life.'

Without a sound

A sorrel leaf falls to the ground.

In the mud

An apple from a Bramley tree falls with a thud.

In the wee small hours

Cherry Blossoms give up their flowers.

A Beech tree majestic & high slips to earth

In falling expels its last breath.

The Cycle of Life and change grinds on

Unnoticed by some,

But some are gone.

MK

The series returns, next Friday night our Open Mic {its definitely working now!} continues with great stories, poetry, song and music  from local and international talent bursting to get in the door to perform. And heading the 'bill' this month's community group will be Armagh Men Shed Choir.  The choir has performed of Royalty ,politicians , religious leaders and TV audiences but will they be able for the white heat of an Abbey Lane Theatre audience? I think so. Get there early folks it promises to be as good a night out as you can get anywhere......and still only £5 inc wine[1 glass }and nibbles if you are good.

Friday 31st March 8pm {doors open} B.Y.O.Bottle!