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Our world famous 'Limerick's laughs' competition, won by poets as far away as Co Tyrone and by poets from 8 to 80 returns by popular demand at the Open Mic Night next Friday (26th) in Abbey Lane Theatre, Armagh.

Prizes, prizes, prizes  to the lucky winners each month,publication on our revamped website and possible WORLD FAME!

This month's theme for your Limerick combines two upcoming significant dates 'Burns Night' and 'Valentines Day'.  Choose one or both for your efforts, or write one for each and double your chance to WIN!

Our monthly series of Open Mic Nights finished on a high last Friday with a great variety of talent on show featuring Actors, Buskers, Poets, Storytellers, Musicians, Singers and a 'chancy' Limericks Laughs competition. As with all these nights they would not be as successful without our talented contributors who we thank wholeheartedly. We started the evening with sketches performed by ATG  members highlighting scams that Policing &Community Safety  Partnership use in their public programmes in the ABC council area. Owen McCreesh (local busker and youtube sensation) then took to the stage to entertain us with his distinctive style and take on old classic hits of the 60's and 70's. Next we had the World renowned Jimmy Rafferty, poet  and Bard of Armagh multiple winner, to regale us with his humorous rhyme. Jimmy was just back from winning Tralee Bard 2017 and tried out new material on our enraptured audience. Half time came quick and we hadn't even heard from our loyal monthly contributors. Thomas Healy(original poetry)Tim Hanna (rip off poem) Felim Raffferty (Christmas poem original) Dymphna Ferran

(her light hearted poem on the serious subject of Dementia ) and acknowledgement of her ??birthday from all in Abbey Lane.

Elma and Curtis duo Mandoline players, Michael Callaghan( singalong songs) Ann Gilmartin (story, A Christmas tale) and then we had a close run LIMERICK LAUGH's competition with wonderful prizes. Tim Hanna's effort was a sure winner until Sandra Armstrong, just finished writing hers and rocked the place with a five line ditty about thighs and stockings... acted out to leave nothing to doubt. We all loved it!!! and she ran off with the 1st prize appropriately a Christmas stocking. a disappointed Tim won second prize of 6 mince pies. And insult was added to injury as 3 of the pies had been eaten by 'The Woodford Wolves' at the back. Big thanks to Bridie Heaney with our tribute to Patrick Kavanagh and Oscar Wilde anniversaries. And our faithful techy moonlighting on sound and lights Aisling Kelly. NEXT OMN JANUARY 26TH 2018. Seasons greetings and continued writings for the new year.

 

Where do you start. A night of Drama, Music, Humour,Poetry, Storytelling, Singing and adlibs. If we aren't promoting local talent in many aspects of the arts ....Well I'll eat a Witches hat!

To all who took part... Monique and David with scenes of the forthcoming play 'Gaslight', on in the Studio Theatre in Market Place 9th-11th Nov. A full house in Abbey Lane were enthused by their wonderful acting followed by Liam Mohan (Zac Brownband), Dymphna (sketch) ,Malachi (Spike Milligan poem), Daniel Corrigan (orginal guitar piece) ,Bridie (poetry),Pat Prunty and Eoin Kelly (trad), Michael Callaghan (song) Ann Gilmartin (storytelling)Thomas Healy (orginal poetry)Paddy Mohan (songs) Malachi (orginal story) Kathleen Duffy (singing Spinning Wheel), Melonie Banting (orginal poetry)William Andrews (Bluegrass banjo) accompanied by Daniel on guitar and Eoin on Mandolin . Thomas (Ed Sheeran song), Pat Prunty (Humour ballad), Madeleine Kelly (bandage joke)...A BIG BIG THANK YOU.

Winner of the 'Limerick Laughs' competition....1st DYMPHNA FERRAN, DUNGANNON... 2nd Bridie Heaney.... 3rd Monique Rennie. Thanks all for partaking.

 

OPEN MIC NIGHT RETURNS 29TH SEPTEMBER!

LAST FRIDAY OF MONTH

8PM OPENING

MIC TURNED ON 8.30PM

BRING YOUR OWN TIPPLE and bring a friend!

COMPLIMENTARY GLASS OF WINE & NIBBLES

£5 ENTRY also gets you 5 MINS UNDER LIGHTS to perform your 'piece' be it music poetry songs stories etc

ALL WELCOME. LOCAL COMMUNITY GROUP invited each month.

Peter Kelly's limerick

The crowd that attend the John Hewitt

Have made it  quite clear why they do it.

They say that Armagh, Is a place above par

That exceeds expectations - I KNEW IT!!

 

And the winner by overwhelming audience approval,

Eva Powell (age8)

There was a wee woman from Armagh

Who wanted to travel quite far.

She decided on Milford, but had no will for it.

So she sat at home by he fire.

Excellent Eva, well done and congrats on winning the Meal voucher for EMBERS RESTAURANT ,ARMAGH.

 

Writers teach and entertain

Poets profess their sweet refrain

With use of quill or pencil or pen

The power of the sword is blunted and drained

Of blood and evil, keeping life humane.

 

 

1 )I want to run free                   4)I want a warm home

    I want to live on                       A family to treasure.

    Like the wind and the rain         My wife not denied

   Like pleasure and pain               My girls by my side 

   Like birdsong                           Such a wealth can't be measured-

  I want to live on.                      A family to treasure

 

2) I want to feel life,              5) I want back my childhood

   Like roots in the soil               My growth to a man

  Or the bugs and the worms     My strength and my wildness

  That wriggle and squirm         My humour and mildness

  And live just to toil-               My days by the Bann

Like roots in the soil                My growth to a man

 

3) I want to know love        6)I want to go hunting

   A passion within                To walk till I drop

  That must be obeyed         And savour the taste

  That cannot be swayed       With never a waste

  But can block out the din-    The chase never stops-

A passion within.                  To walk till I drop

               

7)I want to feel earth

I want to plant seeds

And then I could know

What will blossom and grow

To outshine the weeds-

I want to plant seeds.

 I want to run free. But then -that's always been me...

 

  

Penned by famous Tyrone poet and humourist Dymphna Ferran:

1)

There was a young teacher from Grange;  Who in the classroom acted so strange.

He made the pupils all stand, with their heads in their hands

While he riffled their pockets for change.

 

and value for money Dymphna had another up her jumper!

2)

There was a vegetarian called Joe; Who went out to the garden to hoe.

He tripped on a carrot, Now he's sick as a parrot,

And the hoe,  it when right up his .............nose.

Dymphna said she really enjoyed her bottle for wine first  prize. Well done Dymp's

Reemeber June's Limerick Laughs subject is Politicians!!

Carrots and Peppers and Cabbage; Are things a Veggie savage;

All day and all night; The Roughage = S... (A healthy glow);

And breakfast is a bowl of porridge!

 

There once was a man called Reggie; Who converted from Carnivore to Veggie;

He stuck it a year; But  went on the beer;

Now he's Reggie the Poggie Veggie.

 

I remember my first day at school; The teachers kept order with a rule;

The Boys were so rough; And the girls just as tough

 I ran home and was put on a stool.

 

The one thing about being a teacher; is they all have a common feature;

Of superior knowledge; after years of college;

To instruct their 'Horrible wee creatures'

 

Teachers are people that matter; They deserve to be praised high and flattered;

But they often find out; They get called ''git'' and ''lout''

And SO pupils are people they batter!

 

There was a young teacher, a local; Whose views about meat were quite vocal;

She'd holler and rant; '' You can't , you just can't''

But she secretly scoffed down road kill.!

 

 

Bridie Heaney, 'The lapsed Vegetarian' ( The only Limerick with its own title....pretentious)

A lady called Ash from Armagh

From her kitchen heard such a sweet baa

She said " what the heck, I'll just ring its neck,

And make a nice dinner for me Da''

 

Josh Trotter (in an 'up the country' accent)   

There was a wee woman from Moy

Who with money was rather coy

Her purse had a lock

But a much bigger shock

Was she hid the key in Dunloy!

MK (copy right)

 

Dymphna Ferran,

There was a wee woman from Armagh

Who forgot to fasten her bra

Her boobs fell out

And were ate by a trout????

And now our Ma's me Da.

MORE TO FOLLOW BY POPULAR DEMAND.

April's OMN on 28th  will have a new feature section 'LIMERICK LAUGHS', written and performed by YOU the audience. Each month will have a new subject for these witty 5 liner poems and to start you of this month the  first line begins ''There was a wee woman/man from (town name)''.  To get you into the spirit we will have wonderful prizes which the winner will proudly cherish. Suggested weekends away, new car models, writing equipment,  publishing  offers, your name under lights, etc etc. The winner will be selected by AUDIENCE VOTE and their decision will be final. This competition is open to all ages, sexes ,religions and colours (so you have no excuse)! Presented as a Quick Fire round from your seat, wit and humour essential. No animals will be harmed in the 'LIMERICK LAUGHs' feature.

APRIL'S OMG THIS FRIDAY 28TH STARTS 8.30PM TILL LATE.